This is the Most Important Word in Yoga

This is the Most Important Word in Yoga

Hello, sweet tribe! I just found this video while scrolling through my phone, and oh my goodness – this is important. Watch below to hear my post-yoga thoughts about a concept I think we should all live by.

 

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You Will Find What You’re Looking For

You Will Find What You’re Looking For

Whatcha looking at?

Did you know that:

Where you look, there you will go?
Where attention goes, your energy flows?
When you look – you will find?
We don’t see with our physical eyes – we see with our mind’s eyes?

If you start looking at (and for) the things in your world and focusing on what you want to create, and not what you don’t like, are annoyed with, drives you crazy – you will feel the miracle of this principle.

When Joe and I had filed for divorce, I was so RIGHT about how BAD he was. I had a list a mile long. I was focused on thinking and, especially, talking about it with anyone who would listen. 

When I heard the deeper, truer part of me ask the question, “Kim, are you really going to go through with this?” (And this voice did not have one smidgen of judgment or guilt. It was pure awareness and love. Just asking. I’ll never forget that!)

I stopped. I thought about it. 

Part of me felt like I was too far down the divorce “rabbit hole” to turn back, even if I wanted to, which at the time I absolutely DID NOT! 

This is when this principle became so real to me. I had a choice about what I was going to think about. I started with the idea of “Please help me want to want to.” At the time of this crossroads, nothing had changed in my feelings. I still felt exactly about Joe and our marriage that I had the day before. But I paused long enough to re-look at this decision with my logical, rational, brain. I didn’t want to go through the pain and carnage that this divorce would have led to, especially to the kids. I wanted my feelings to change. Or at least I wanted to want them to change. 

So the process I used during the next few years (and yes, it can take time…) was when I felt the desire to leave, I looked for every reason I could to stay. I looked for qualities and behaviors in Joe that were always there, but I had not given attention to.

He was loyal.

He was faithful.

He kept his word.

He was tenacious when he decided to do something (which came in handy in deciding to stay to make the marriage work!)

He was a hard worker.

He had valuable life skills.

He was sexy (and still is, by the way! – Sorry, I regress..)

He cleaned and cooked.

He gave me freedom. 

He wasn’t a controller (well, I think I had to train that in our early days of marriage.)

He was honest.

He didn’t have a reactive personality.

He was steady.

He was reliable.

Anyway – you get the picture, right?

The more I thought about and decided to focus on the qualities of him that were positive and made me feel good about him, those qualities and behaviors seemingly increased. Whether they really did or I just started noticing them, I’m not sure. But who cares? 

I refer to this principle and part of our brain’s reticular activating system, as the “mental bloodhounds.” If you give your brain a “scent” – its job is to only show you what you’ve already told it is true. So, I gave my dogs a new scent, based on what I wanted, not on what I didn’t want.

I also focused on my behaviors, attitudes, and mindset. I noticed the times I was reactive to him, where I may have been tempted to lash out. I stopped this, after probably several failures. It became more natural for us to hear each other. We both worked on ourselves and also how we saw each other.

I write about this principle more in my book, The Monster Under the Bed – Uncovering the Lie that Drives Us. It’s a deal breaker principle. If you abide by the law of attention, you can benefit from it, knowing that if you change how you look at things in your life, those things you look at, can, and often will, change. 

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The Importance of Your Frame – Vlog

Click play to watch the video.

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What if We Demanded More Love From the Media?

What if We Demanded More Love From the Media?

Last year, I attended a Media Summit in New York to talk about my book. I talked to the biggest media outlets in our country. They were very specific about the stories they wanted – It had to have an emotional/sensational, mostly liberal message. No rational, kind, “let’s try and build unity” messages allowed. (If you know me, you know that what I’d really like to do for the public is help create peace, not create separation.)

This isn’t a surprise to anyone reading this, I’m sure… but I don’t blame the people in charge of the media entirely. Why do they do it? Because WE buy it – WE read it – WE listen to it. They are giving the people what they want.

It reminds me of when my boys would fight. I would tell one of them if they stopped reacting when the other would pester them, the other would stop doing the pestering. The REACTION is why they do it. It is fun to see one’s power over others. “Hey – watch what happens when we put this headline up!” or “Ok – get ready for the huge hailstorm coming that this headline or story will cause.” And in the “journalist” world – it’s “he who gets the biggest response, wins” – Not “he who tells the story in a more accurate and level-headed way.” Nope. That thought does not exist in the media world.

It is supply and demand, what gets the most views, and what really gets the public amped up and talking. Imagine a world where we got more amped up about how to love more? How to work together phenomenally? What if the news that really got people going was largely about beautiful acts of unity instead of drastic acts of separation and cruelty? 

I think we should make love & togetherness popular, as much as possible. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

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3 Steps to Dealing with Curveballs

3 Steps to Dealing with Curveballs

Life has a way of throwing us the unexpected – just when we least expect it! We have a plan or a path, and then suddenly, something shows up that we did not put there… and it throws us off.

I’ve learned (and continue to deepen that learning) to not be surprised with those “curveballs.” When unforeseen situations happen, I turn to this 3-step process for dealing with it:

1. Immediately identify WHAT I’m feeling. It could be anger, jealousy, resentment, anxiety, worry, sadness, (fill in the blank.)

2. Do some deep breathing and move my perspective to SEEING the situation (I put mine up on a movie screen) instead of BEING IN the situation. (My current emotional state.)
This really helps take the emotional sting out of it and it helps me see a bigger view of what is going on.

3. I can see from this vantage point that there is usually an unmet expectation. And I have a choice to stay attached to my expectation or manage, adjust, or eliminate it all together, in order to help me feel better.

This is key! 
During my recent trip to Sesimbra, Portugal, I experienced a big shift in plans, unexpectedly. What I went there for was not what I ended up doing there, and I had to shift, manage my expectations, and go with the flow. And it is ALL GOOD!

Where in your life have you had to adjust or completely disregard your expectations? Share in the comments.

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